This diet seems completely reasonable!
Getting in shape is no joke. It takes a carefully crafted workout routine, diet plan, and supplement regimen.
However, these three things take time, and time is money, and cash is king, and king is… well, I forget where I was going. At any rate, modern man wants gratification and he wants it NOW.
Hard work produces results, but hard work is just that: hard. It takes time, and time is something that people do not want to endure to see results. Because of this need for instant results, fad diets boast a stunningly high popularity.
The sad fact of the matter is that fad diets prey on the stupidity and gullibility of desperate people. These diets promise incredible results in little to no time at all with little to no effort at all.
And because humans are stupid, they eat this bull like it’s candy (which got them into this situation in the first place…). Fad diets are often all hype, and in some instances can be downright dangerous and detrimental to future weight-loss efforts. Doctored before-and-after pictures, celebrity endorsements, and high-pressure sales tactics all contribute to the energy behind these diets.
So today we will take a look at some of the weirdest and most idiotic diet trends throughout history. Whenever you begin again to a have a sliver of faith in the intelligence of man, just remember the following dieting tips that people at one point thought were a reasonable idea.
AYDS: Vitamin Candy
“Hey, bro. Looking yoked. What diet are you on?” “Oh, I just got myself some AYDS. AYDS really slims you down with like, no effort at all. It’s like AYDS makes the pounds fall off. Want me to give you some AYDS?”
Rather than continuing to beat a dead horse (it died of natural causes, not of AYDS), I’ll discuss a bit about this 1970s and 1980s diet trend.
Not only did the product’s name cause a publicity issue after the AIDS virus outbreak, but the product’s active ingredient causes some concern: benzocaine.
Benzocaine is used as a pain-reliever and numbing agent. In essence, this product numbed your tongue in order to make you not want to eat. Sounds a little shady to me.
Cotton Balls: Yes, Cotton Balls
Delicious and nutritious!
Supermodels are notoriously catty and narcissistic and vain and tall and gorgeous and poor eaters. Because of the constant pressure of being on camera and the constant pressure to meet design requirements to fit into clothing, supermodels often adopt ridiculous and dangerous diets.
One diet that caught my eye was the COTTON BALL DIET. BECAUSE EATING COTTON BALLS TO SUPPRESS APPETITE AND FEEL FULL SEEMS COMPLETELY NORMAL AND GOOD FOR YOU. I… I can’t even.
The kind of mind that is so concerned and scared of gaining weight that it decides to eat cotton balls clearly needs professional help. Cotton cannot be digested and can do serious harm to the intestines due to its abrasive nature.
Tapeworms: Your Parasitic Friends!
Man’s Best Friend
The fondest memory I have regarding tapeworms (and yes, I have many so shut up and stop poking holes in my story) is from high school biology.
The only reason I took advanced biology was because of the higher number of dissections that the advanced class got to do. So, we eventually reach cat-dissection day (and of course the biology company sent us the wrong cats so we ended up having to learn how to skin cats in addition to dissecting them).
Anyway, my partner and I are dissecting the stomach and intestines of our cat when we stumble upon a glorious discovery: a tapeworm. After several minutes of extracting the tapeworm, we realize that it truly is massive. All said and done, the tapeworm measured three feet long and was about the width of a pencil. It was disgustingly amazing to say the least.
That brings me to the tapeworm diet.
Tapeworms are parasites and feed off of a larger organism’s nutrients. The idea behind ingesting a tapeworm is that you can continue to eat your normal diet and let the worm leech off excess nutrients so that you will lose weight in the long run. This use requires ingesting the worm somehow (generally in capsule form).
The problem with this diet? Tapeworms can reproduce in your body, tapeworms tend to leech off necessary nutrients rather than excess nutrients, and tapeworms can cause intense gastrointestinal distress.
Then there is the problem of removing the tapeworm once you’re done. Tapeworms enjoy warm homes that have solid food supplies, thus, they are less than happy to vacate your bowels.